Yay! May is over!

I’m glad I did NaBloPoMo because the daily postings helped me experiment with different topics, memes, and finally finish up some drafts. In the beginning I did follow the theme but along the way the daily postings helped me exercise my creativity muscles beyond talking about how my day went . When I first signed up, I had doubts of successfully completing a month’s worth of daily postings but I did it. But now I feel like maybe I should post a non-365 photo post probably once a week.

Now according to wordpress, the top search engine word people are using to end up in my blog is atmosphere alongside other search engine words people use.

Also I’m happy to go to bed by 10 pm again instead being up at 11 pm still typing up a post (I start my work day at 5 am).

For those interested in doing NaBloPoMo

From NaBloPoMo:
The theme for June is NOW. In addition to the monthly theme, we’re also adding daily writing prompts! You’ll find them posted on the top of the front page of nablopomo.com Monday through Friday for the month of June, and if people find them useful we’ll keep it as a regular feature.

If you’re planning on blogging every day in June and would like to be on the blogroll, click here and follow the directions at the top of the page. HTML badges are here!

Thanks and happy blogging!
Visit NaBloPoMo at: http://www.nablopomo.com/?xg_source=msg_mes_network

Cliques through adulthood

Yes! Tomorrow is my last day of NaBloPoMo! It’s been a good month of daily blogging that is NOT a 365 day photo project and it made me able to post all things I’ve been meaning to post about and some days I’m so stumped I’m typing up at 11 pm.


(source)

So I know throughout the month and pretty much majority of this blog, I’ve been talking about relocation as an adult and a professional and even though it’s nice to have a change of scenery, inside it screams social anxiety. Maybe because growing up, I did not have the best social skills and I’m still learning. It brought me out my inner anthropologist–or is it sociologist? Whichever it is, my head writes field notes. I’ve noticed even as an adult, we still act like high school students from work to a house party–there’s still gossip and peer pressure. Or is high school really a microcosm of the rest of your adult life? Anyways the thing that did surprise me the most so far is cliques in your adulthood.

God, I never thought I’d ever encounter this word again. Before I was always taught to never do the clique thing and don’t exclude people out if they want to get to know you and how cliques retards your growth as a person. And now when I talked about my parents how people just seem so self-segregated in their comfort zones, my parents go “what’s wrong with that?” Now “cliques” has a twisted meaning and I don’t understand how someone can teach me that something is wrong to exclude people who want to be your friend throughout my school career and now tell me it’s kind of all right. I always believed in widening and making various circles of friends to create myself a well rounded person and I’d like to keep it that way. But then again, I am the type of person that does talk to anybody about anything. And even if I don’t know about something, like let’s say about my conversation with my pharmacist friend and his colleague on holistic health–something that I don’t understand too well but I already have an opinion about it, I’d still ask without slamming it down. I’d like to understand more about all these alternatives to conventional medicines and pharmaceuticals and their research behind it. Anyone I’ve talked to who had acupuncture told me it works after going through 5 years old back pain and hey, it’s been around a lot longer than ibuprofen so it has to work. Also I like to share with other people about things I learned in my convos from other people, before people thought it was cool and interesting and they share something they found. Now I can’t seem to hold people’s interest or I get a slammed or that I’m told I’m talking nonsense. Now I’m left with gossip. I hate hate hate gossip and telling stories that aren’t mine. Now I wonder how does one start a conversation?

I always thought this clique thing would be over after I finished school. I never felt like I needed to be part of any special group in high school and in college and if I felt excluded out, to me, it didn’t matter. I’ve got other people who would like me anyways. But why do I think this feeling of being excluded hits harder as an adult/professional? Maybe because now the relationships you make do matter. Being excluded in the work place means an opportunity being shut down from moving up the ladder at work. It doesn’t matter if you’re talented, smart, and good at what you do–if you can’t work with people or people can’t work with you, then those qualities don’t matter. And life is sure lonely–it’s a topic brought up by someone every week.

Here is an excerpt from an article on BellaOnline, Mandel talks about dealing with feelings of exclusion:
Move past the small, limited world of the clique. Meeting new people is energizing and stimulating. Moreover, friendships are forged on many levels fulfilling different needs. They don’t all have to be equally intense. By the same token, newcomers to any group need to be patient, taking things slowly and lightly. Friendships take time to deepen.

It all boils down to cultivating a strong core of self-confidence. Accept who you are. Comparisons to others drain you of personal power, robbing you of a perception of your own uniqueness. Express yourself genuinely and take yourself out of the competition.

Here is how adults can move past feelings of exclusion:

  • Don’t let others have power over you. Realize that even the most popular feel insecure. In fact, you might be excluded because you seem unapproachable – they might feel undermined by you hanging on the sidelines! Reach out; leave your comfort zone to make the first move.
  • Emit positive vibes. People gravitate to positive people. Be the best that you can be and others will be attracted to you.
  • See the basic comedy of manners in the clique. Don’t take them so seriously. Laughter generates endorphins and will help you see other possibilities.
  • Get rid of that air of desperation. If you act like a victim, you will be treated like a victim. Living well is really the best antidote. Act as if and soon you will be feeling much happier and relieved. Have confidence that things will work out in the end.
  • Focus on past successes and what qualities you incorporated to make them a success. Transfer these qualities to other areas of your life- like making new friends.
  • Keep growing. Get out and learn new things and visit new places. If you have other sincere friends in your life, who cares about one or two less. Focus on who and what you have- not what you are missing.
  • Get involved at your child’s school: class mother, committees, school programs, etc. You will help your child by being in the know about school. You can be creatively involved, suggest improvements and be there to have some input
  • (source)

    The chief danger in life is that you may take too many precautions.

    Adler, Alfred.

    It’s almost June…

    Wow…the month of June’s budget does not look pretty.

    So I have to pay this month’s rent for my current apartment since my lease ends in June 20th and I have pay this month’s rent at my new place and it would total up to 1300 dollars…and I am looking for a new futon or a sleeping mat because my current mattress (that I got from a friend and who knows how old it is) has springs popping up. And I still have to pay my bills. And oh…I have to eat.

    Maybe I should’ve brought my car and lived there until I found a set address hahaha.

    I don’t really have a problem paying these off since well they’re necessities but still that’s a lot of money. But I’m sure glad I saved all along. Except I kind of feel that money could’ve gone to something else.

    Anyways here my summer plans are

    June:

    - I might be going to the Bay Area 3rd week of June but we’ll see how that goes when I move in but then I got the rest of the summer to visit some old friends

    - Watch the FIFA World cup at the nearest British pub

    - Visit my aunt and uncle before they leave for the PI for July

    - My little sister’s bday

    - Del Mar Fair

    July:

    - Trip to Vegas (One of my goals is to go somewhere other than Vegas)

    - Avenue Q at San Diego Civic Center. Alice has been planning this for a while

    August:

    - Street scene

    Other things I’d like to fit in for the summer:

    - Go to Mexico and volunteer at the orphanage with a couple of my friends.  I’ve been meaning to join along with them–but I have to renew my passport

    - Read more books

    - practice my guitar more

    Then when fall comes, I am planning on taking some classes at UCSD–I’m debating whether to work towards a certificate at extension or audit classes. Or maybe sit in a lecture. Anyways that’s all I have so far.

    What are your summer plans?

    Lost in Translation

    Lost in Translation came out when I was in 7th grade I believe and last week I watched it for the first time. I don’t think I’d understand or appreciate it when I was 12 but I sure do now at 22.


    Also after watching this movie, I’d like to show some pictures when I was in Tokyo back in 2007. Unfortunately I was only in Tokyo for two days which isn’t enough!

    view from Tokyo Metropolitan Government Building

    How to adjust to a new city

    I read this piece from Brazen Careerist on relocating to a new city and how to adjust and I think this is really great advice for people who relocated mainly for work rather than for school or for a change of scenery. It’s hard to adjust but at least I’m making every effort to participate but there are some people who just sulk about how they feel they were forced to move because of their job. Anyways, here is what I got out of it:

    1. Open Your Mind to Activities and Events:

    I participate whenever I can. I look through the UCSD calendar for upcoming events, seminars, and plays. I look into meetup.com and join groups based on similar interests. I like to invite friends along but I usually really like to invite people who relocated just like me too because I just think it’s fun to explore a new city with someone who is just like me…but there are some people who just act kind of smug about it. I know this girl who relocated just like me and we met at UCLA and she told me the thing she missed about LA was not the nightlife but the events on campus like Melnitz movie and seminars and I’ve been showing her some events that are going on at UCSD and immediately she goes “Thank you, but I think UCLA events are just better.” I think “oh…have you been any UCSD events?” and she goes “no, I just think UCLA events better.” Then last night I mentioned I wanted to go to the Sicilian Festival in Little Italy today, she says “I don’t think it would look like any fun.” I’ll be honest it’s such a drag and it’s annoying and I have brought that problem up before.

    2. Stay in touch with your old life but don’t rely on them:

    In LA I have my family, my neighbors,  my friends from high school, orchestra, and college. I facebook them or I randomly call them up saying “I saw someone that looks like you and I thought about you.” I’ll meet them one weekend if I happen to be up in LA. But the same person I mentioned relies on her old life back in LA but the thing is what she remembers of LA  is her friends up in Westwood. The population there is volatile–people there just come and go. It was nice visiting the first time at Westwood but every trip we made to Westwood to visit my college friends was starting to get depressing. I liked seeing them but I knew the months were getting closer to graduation and they would be moving back to wherever they’re going. All I can think about is how weird it is not have them around for the summer. But hey, I kind of see it as an excuse to go wherever they’re going just as a nice change of scenery.

    I remembered when we were on our way home from LA my friend goes “I’m going to text so and so and see what they are doing.” and I asked her why she wanted to do that? I mean just saw them. she goes “I just wanted to see what they are doing.” I told her to not ask what they’re doing because well, we’re not there. They’re probably off having lunch or probably out (without us), I mean just because we’re not there doesn’t mean they’re putting their lives on hold for us–lots of things change.

    3. accept contentment–don’t expect perfection

    I always think things are bound to get better :-).

    4. Don’t force yourself into the role of a big fish in a small pond (or a big fish in a big pond).

    For me, I don’t really like telling people I went to UCLA just because I don’t want to act like I’m the big fish. I don’t think I’ve really have proven myself yet. I agree with the author of the article because in every place you go, you work hard for your reputation and to be recognizable.

    5. Give yourself something to look forward to

    this explains itself. I’ve got a calendar in my head for all things I want to do but I think I should start writing them down otherwise I’ll forget. Anyways this week I’m looking forward to checking out this exhibit sometime after work.